I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
