I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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