I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
