I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
