You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
