I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
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