you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
