Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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