Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
