I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
