you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
