I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize