just tell him i said nine months
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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