Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize