Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
