I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
