Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
