I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
