imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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