Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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