just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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