they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
