JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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