Sry I called you an 8
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
