He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
