I wish I only lived at night.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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