You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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