Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
