Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
