Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
