my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
