Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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