Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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