i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
