what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize