So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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