I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
