If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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