like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
