Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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