sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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