It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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