I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
