Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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