Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
