So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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