You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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