what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
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