Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
