I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
