I wish my penis had an off switch
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
