i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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