I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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