I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
