i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
where does the pee come out of this thing
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
