Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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