I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i out mim tonsoeep
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
