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Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
