Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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