When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think I won the penis lottery.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
