the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
