Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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