the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
