I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
