About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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