"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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