So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
