Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
